Message Replying To

From Crystal, Age 19

Ht. 5'3", Start: 230 lb, Today: 230 lb, Goal: 150 lb - Me being overweight began when I was only 9 years old. My mom married my stepdad, had twins & I began to become very depressed. I started gaining weight nonstop. My stepdad would offend not only me but my mom & sisters. He would call us fat, balloons, pigs... In order to cope with his offensive comments, I would eat anything I could find. By the time I reached 6th grade I was already 145 lbs. I was introduced to french fries, brownies, pizza bread, chips, & soda. I was never really teased about being overweight. My friends were all overweight. I was actually considered "skinny" when I hung out with them because they were "bigger" than me, but I didn't feel skinny. By the time I reached high school I was 170 lbs. My weight stayed at 170 lbs until my junior year when I no longer had gym class. Between Junior and Senior year I gained 60 lbs. My uncle passed away during my Junior year and I gained a little more weight. For prom, I went on a diet and lost 10 lbs. in a month. I only did this because my 4 year crush asked me to prom. I did it for him hoping he would notice & ask me out, but he didn't. I felt so dumb... During Summer Vacation after graduating High school, I took a trip to Italy & Spain & lost 15 pounds in the 3 weeks I was there. There was a lot of walking and going up and down stairs. I came back weighing 215lbs. I am now a sophomore in College and back up to 230 lbs. I have tried to go on diets, work out, and even starve myself, but nothing has worked. I am almost 21, still overweight, & still crushing on the same guy I went to prom with. I want to be at a healthy weight, but I don't know how to stick to working out or eating healthy. I feel like guys don't take interest in me because I am overweight and fat. A few hours ago, I was eating dinner & I sat on a chair and broke it. This was my breaking point, and the embarrassing part was that my stepdad and my whole family saw me and started laughing... at me. I was embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated... I broke down... How do I deal with this? :(