From clarity, Age 16 - 04/20/04 - IP#: 24.66.236.xxx  Click here to reply  
well, i guess i am "new" here. i hope this place will inspire me to lose weight...about 5 months ago, i was in a real ditch. I hated myself sooo much. Everyday i woould wake up to a day of hell. There was never anything to look forward and i was miserable. I probably thought about my weight at least 30 times a day. I HATE IT, and back then it wasnt good for my health in EVERY way. I couildnt even run a block without being out of breath, and i can not find any clothes. Also, the whole weight thing, plus other issues lead to self mutilation. I started to cut my arms with razor blades and knives. It seemed so good, to hurt something i hated so much. After a while i relized how stupid it was to have done that. I felt so ashamed to do sh*t like that. I was on the upswing, although i did not like my weight, i started to deal with some of my problems, and started to feel alot better about my self. I had an excellent 3 months, filled with people and things i love...(including food, which wasnt that great).....slowly i began eating more and more, and more frequently. i started eating because i was slowly again, becoming depressed about my physical shape. I would hide in my room for hours and days, crying and eating, and not being able to stop. A couple weeks ago, i got out the trusty razor blade, and made 5 neat cuts across my arms. They were deep, and are just healing now. My parents noticed one day when my shirt sleeve came up...i made a feeble story about a barbred wire fence. I relized today, this morning, how much trouble i am in. If i dont take care of my weight problem soon, i am worried my self mutilation will go further...it scares me, but at the same time, it feels so good, so relieving...i feel scared, and i wanna lose weight REALLY bad...i am 259 lbs, but i am quite muscly, so i dunno what my ideal weight is. thank you all for listening to me rant, it feels good to get it off the shoulders..any input would be very helpfullll.
Reply from katelyn, Age 13 - 04/26/04  - IP#: 152.163.252.xxx
i have a similar problem. i can't help but hate my self.i wiegh 240. if i eat to much for lunch at school i think of how stupid i was. i can't take it. i don't know what to do. if you want to talk my aol screen name is Verybored544 or my e-mail is Verybored544@aol.net		 
Reply from claudia, Age 19 - 04/21/04  - IP#: 12.73.72.xxx
I kinda know what it's like...i had bulmia and would sometimes cut myself...it's all self medication and while it does feel like a sort of relief at the time it starts to mess with you after a while...i tried to stop on my own for years but always seemed to fall back into that behavior...now i'm in college and decided i really didnt' want this to be something that i would deal with as an adult..fortunately my university offers free counseling to students so i've been going to see a counselor since february and it's really helped...one thing idea she threw out was "competing behaviors" which basically means that when you get the urge to hurt yourself in anyway you replace it with something else that brings you pleasure...i had tried writing poetry and listening to music but they weren't really doing the trick for me then i thought back to the time in my life when i wasn't throwing up much ( my senior year in high school) and i realized that the reason i wasn't was because i was in a photography class and doing school plays and those activities really made me happy and kept me busy...so now when i get the urge to throw up i get out my camera and take pictures and i'm also looking into taking acting classes...maybe this could work for you too...you just need to find something that consistently makes you happy because it has to compete with this unhealty behavior that satisfies you...and i also suggest that if you can you should see a counselor...i know that isn't always possible..in my case i didnt' want my parents to know and it was too expensive but here it's free and confidential...maybe you can talk to another family memeber or a friend who could help you get counseling or who you could go to with your problems sometimes...just talking can be a help...i hope this was helpful ( i'm sorry it's so long..lol) and i hope you find some way to overcome this :)		 
Reply from anne, Age 17 - 04/21/04  - IP#: 216.66.107.xxx
you have to get in control of your life. i was like that once. but once i actually started working towards my goals and i started to control my thoughts and my body i felt so much better. now i feel great. i still have a ways to go but i can get there now. you can do it too. what i used to do was think about all the embarassing moments of my life and then get really depressed, but i started shopving those thoughts out of my head telling myself that it was all in the past and that i have to work to the future to be happy. just get up and force yourself to exersize and keep yourself busy instead of eating. only eat 1200-1500 calories a day and try to make it healthy. get out and go for a walk every day or dance to some music if you don't want to be around anyone. good luck. you can take care of yourself if youi put some effort into it...