Message Replying To

From Karin, Age 19

Ht. 5'2", Start: 180 lb, Today: 148 lb, Goal: 110 lb - Hi, I've been visiting this site since I was 16, and now I'm back. Last year I was 180 lbs in January and I've managed to get down to my goal weight of 110. I felt great! Of course, it took lots of hard work. But since December, I've put on 38 pounds, and each day I'm getting heavier, I feel. I just lost control and binged on ridiculous portions, like in a typical day I'd have 4 yogurt cups, 4 bowls of cereal, a new box of chocolate chip cookies and finish it all, and that's all on TOP of 3 big meals a day. Then there was this other day where I ate at mcdonalds for 2 meals and ate 8 kitkat bars (8x4=32!!) It's unbelievable, but when I look in my trash can and see all those boxes and wrappers, I have no choice but to think how disgusting it all was. I don't think that I'm fat, but I want to get back down to 110. It's a constant obsession and when I push myself to diet, I binge even more. I realized that I've made my appetite SO big that I'm always hungry. I even tried to just eat 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, and that wasn't enough, and again, I binged before bed. I don't even have enough to wear, because I was so happy about being at my goal weight that I dumped all my old stuff and bought new jeans, jackets, tops...all of which do not fit now. All I have are sweats. Hopeless. Sorry about the long post guys, I just feel so mad at myself and alone, because I have to hide all my garbage. My boyfriend who lives in another country has only known me for the "normal" 110 lbs girl, and not this crazy angry food-obsessed maniac. I don't think he'll dump me for the lbs, but considering how long it'll be til I get to see him, I don't know how much weight I'll put on. How did you do it? Suddenly just eat less and so healthy? DIdn't you get hungry? I lost my weight when I lived at home, where I had my exercise machines and dvds, but now that I'm living on campus, I don't have access to those things. THanks for your support ~ Karin