Message Replying To

From Claire, Age 19

Ht. 5'4", Start: 210 lb, Today: 176 lb, Goal: 140 lb - UGH...I just had a very disgusting binge. I ate everything like--everything. Usually this happens when no one is home, so I hate it when someone leaves. When I'm alone I feel like I have so much more freedom and I can't control myself--and then I go off binging. I had a bad binge last night too. What is going on with me? I feel so full, it hurts. I usually eat a lot when something is boterhing me (emotional eater,you guessed it)...but lately what's been bothering me is the fact that I'M NOT LOSING WEIGHT. DOes this make any sense? and then I jsut start eating. It should open my eyes and tell me that I need to work harder but I end up doing the opposite. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm a hopeless disaster. It's already July. Is my goal still reachable? I think not. At the rate I'm going. I just feel really bad. I even cried today cause I couldn't take the way I looked. The way nothing seems to be changing. The way I feel when I sit and my stomach folds and how I have to adjust my shirt all the time. This is not the life I want. It's not and I'm don't mean to get sappy with all this but it's true. I'm so tired of feeling like wreckage everyday. I'll never be happy if I don't lose weight. Ever. Why am I so unlucky? all I want to be is healthy. All I want to do is love my reflection. That's all I want.