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From Kelly, Age 18

Ht. 5'3", Start: 270 lb, Today: 270 lb, Goal: 220 lb - As you might notice, I'm not trying to lose a heap of weight. 40-50 pounds really. But it's odd for me, and I am tied. I like being fat, and being able to eat what I please. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, and will think I am no matter what. I just feel so lazy, for the past 3-4 years I was between 240-250, and in the past few months I've gained about 20 pounds. This has made me lazier, eat more, and just not be as energetic as I used to be. Last summer I was pretty depressed and didn't eat for a few weeks and was 220 for a while. I felt great at that weight. But then again, I have another side. When I was 13ish I used to be anorexic and I'm afraid if I lose I'll just be sucked into that again, which I really don't. What I'm getting at, is, 1) Do I even want to lose weight? and 2) If I do, then how do I go about it without falling into my old ways?