Message Replying To

From Daisy, Age 14

Hey everyone. I'd really really like someone to talk to right now. If you have time read this- I'll try to make it short as possible.I dont know why but I started to think i was disgustingly overweight about a few months ago. I'm not sure why or when exactly it started, and people ask me all the time for reasons that I can't give. So I began starving. At first I felt guilty but couldn't stop. I'm obsessed with weighing myself after eating anything and now I dont even have a concience about chucking the sandwiches my mom makes into the trash. My mom has been battling my dad for a long time now since he was jailed for defrauding the bank, and when she noticed how I was losing weight (which I have but not enough) she yelled at me saying I was ugly and that I was ruining the family. I tried throwing up sometimes but it never worked. On vacation without the scales to weigh myself I felt savage and crazy, really out of control and anxious all the time. The first thing I did when I got home was jump on the scales. I'd managed to lose a few pounds. I was ecstatic, but not happy enough. I went through periods of binge eating then starving, and now its plain starving. But I love that hungry, empty feeling. I know its sick but I feel so in control and powerful- happy with myself. I've also got more obsessed with other things. As a habit now I bite not only my nails compulsively, but the skin on my fingers. I actually rip off my skin with my teeth until my fingers bleed and are so sore when I move or touch anything it hurts. They're crusty, red and raw now but I can't stop even though it's sore. I've become obsessed with school work and tidying things up which is strange, and I've noticed it myself but can't stop it.I went to see a doctor but hated him- I didn't want to say anything. He referred me to a specialist psychiatrist for E.D.s. My periods have stopped. I feel lethargic and sick all the time, and I get headaches and get cold. I can't sleep.I'd really like to talk with someone who is going through it. I know its a problem and I've been diagnosed with anorexia. When people say I'm thin I can't believe them. I really REALLY dont understand. Once my sister poked my ribs and said that they sticked out, and for one of the first times in my life I hit her, burst into tears and ran away.I feel like a freak in my home and really isolated. My mom isn't sympathetic and she sometimes says its attention seeking, and says I'm mentally ill. I really want to talk to someone because I hate what I'm doing and know its wrong but cant bear the thought of stopping.Please, I'm scared.Daisy xxx