Message Replying To

From ashkabashka, Age 14

I'm sorry for posting again, but i have to write. I feel like someone just threw a huge bowling ball into my stomach. Its february, but i cant help thinking about summer. About bathing suits. Last year, I could wear two pieces, but now i really cant. Its just that, I was looking through letters that i had been writing to a friend when she was out of the country, we were both overweight, and i sent her a collage of all these cut outs from magazines that reminded me of both of us. One of the pictures was an adorable two piece, and she bought it for me without me knowing. I told her i hadn't lost weight, and she knew my size, but she gave a bathing suit two sizes too small. She came back stick thin, and i was still the same. She herself told me she hadnt lost any weight, so i didnt feel bad, until i saw her. Now i cant wear the bathing suit, and she can wear any she wants. And two of my other used-to-be-overweight friends... lets just say i hate it how anorexic girls get paid off better than those who want to lose it healthily. They too, can wear any suit they want, and all because they got this phobia of eating. And i would rather be fat than anorexic. But right now I'm lost. For the first time in two weeks, I feel like I cant do this diet. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I cant be successful. I feel like i will be left from all my friends, now eager to wear their new size 0 two pieces, while im saying that i have my period everytime they ask me to go swimming. And i know its still February, but it gets hot here fast...