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From ivy, Age 17

i'm overweight, i stoped weigning myself when i got to 185lb. i cant stand myself. i can't look in the mirrior when i take a bath. sometimes i think about starving myself but i know that doesn't work. i really want to just be normal. i looked up what my helthy body weight sould be for my height and it told me between 97-124lbs i'm so far away from that. i dont' want to be thin just happy and loved. i've never had a boyfriend and i can't stand to approch guys in that way. i don't eat poorly. i cut out all snack foods soft drinks increased my water intake and i'm trying to start running but i just feel hopeless. some times i get suisidal when i see my skiny friends and there boyfriends. can anyone help me please? anything you can say would be appreciated.