Message Replying To

From allie, Age 16

Ht. 5'2, Wt. 143 - okay last night i stepped on the scale....and i broke down. i know im not OBESE, but this is the most i have ever weighed. 3 years ago, i worked hard and lost 22 pounds. to have all that work worth nothing, and gain all my weightback, plus 3 more pounds, is heartbreaking. my life. is revolved around my weight. i have a problem. every minute of my life, i am thinking about food. i let myself go for a while, and as a result i gained 25 pounds. everytime i splurged, it made me hate myself and feel fat and gross. when i stepped on that scale last night, and the number was 143, i reached my breaking point. how could i do this to myself again. so today i started my SERIOUS diet. and its 11:50, and i havent eaten since about 6:00, and right now i am so hungry my stomach hurts. i will not eat. i will not CHEAT on this diet. i will LOSE 20 pounds. i dont want to be a health obsessed freak, but what i eat, what i loook like, and how much weight i lose is all my life is ABOUT. when i gained my first 10 pounds back, i was almost excited, because i got to start the challenge of losing weight all over again. but i don't know what happened. i screwed up. now i am the most ive ever weighed, and my weight is all i can thinka bout now. its too late...ive let it run my LIFE. for 4 years, every single day of my life, weight has been a struggle for me. its horrible. i hate beeing self concious. i hate people who can eat anything they want and not gain a pound. i hate people who don't have to worry about their weight. i hate that i can't be satisfied with myself. and to top it off, my ankle is preventing me from exercising. i have reached an ultimate low. i want to feel comfortable in my skin. the only problem is, even when i weighed 115 pounds, i didn't feel comfortable. HOW DO I MAKE MYSELF SATISFIED. i want to lose weight, and feel good about myself. my mind is screwed up. really. and i don't know what to do.