~ HIDDEN INSECURITIES ~

Im not gonna show my name but just call me “blue.” To begin with from age 1-10 I was an average size but as I got older I began to grow at a much faster pace to be considered as overweight. I am female, age 13, 5 feet and 2 inches, as of now weighting 140 pounds, originally from Philippines but moved to Hawaii as a toddler. Size adult large for shirts and 12 or 31 inches for pants My insecurities began at 6th grade, which I know is typically very young to have these thoughts. I got my insecurities when I noticed how most people from my school were very small or average weight. I started to compare my weight to other students snd thus starting all of the sadness. People who were smaller than me got most of the friends and relationships. Of course I started to get “crushes” because puberty you know but I couldn’t bring it up to myself to even talk to who I liked. I got jealous because smaller people got what they want because they looked “better.” They showed themselves in pretty swimsuits and nice fitted clothing. While me on the other hand started doubting and getting mad at myself. I started having stretch marks all over my body and wasn’t able to be confident in my clothes anymore. I had friends that helped me through it but they didn’t really understand what I felt because they were smaller than me. There was this one time where one of my friends looked at my arms and talked loudly about me having stretch marks on it. She kept looking at it and talking about it I almost cried at that moment but lucky my best friend noticed and made a joke about something else to change the subject. *very thankful for her*I always joked about my weight as if I didn’t really care but I just did that to hide my true feelings. On the inside all I did was cry to myself because I know I won’t be able to harm my self. These feelings were all hidden in my mind but now its out to whoever sees this. :):

p.s- i know i am very young to be feeling these emotions and all but that the only way i could deal with it. i would be cut or harm myself because it wont do good to anyone thats why i hide it all.