From Amanda, Age 14 - 05/28/04 - IP#: 4.231.236.xxx  Click here to reply  
Ok this is realy personal to me and i just can't hold it in no more *cries* I know the reason why i'm so fat! I know the reason why i am depressed , and why i don't want to go to school or let other people see me. Because i am ashamed i feel like $hit... ok it all started when i was 6 years old. My mom had to work so she used to leave me with my neibor Maria ( who has 2 dauthers who were 2 and 3 years old at that time.. and she also had a husband) ok so my mom used to leave me with her until she came from work . It was all fine , i played with the girls and had alot of fun and then my mom picked me up when she came from work... But one day when my mom came to pick me up she was talking in the kitchen with our neibor Maria (my baby siter) and i was playing with the girls (the 2 and 3 year old ) then their father called me to their room. Since i was only 6 years old i didn't know any better and i thought since that was my friend's dad he was nice and wouldn't do nothing bad. how was i suppose to know he wasent up to good? So i went into the room and he told me to lay down on the bed *cries* and i did.. i didnt know what he was doing.. and he pulled down my pants and underware and he started putting his discusting tounge on my **** and putting saliva on it too . *cries* and i was suprissed and scared i didnt know what to do. i didnt know if what he was doing was bad . i felt uncomftorble... and i closed my eyes wishing it was all over or my mom would come but no one came and the 2 girls just stared there looking at what their father was doing.. innocently. i wanted to scream and call my mom but i was to scared i didn't want my mom to get hurt so i just stayed quiet and thank goodness my mom called me i felt releived and he told me to put my pants up and he told me to not tell no one. and i put them up and i runned to my mom and i told her i wanted to leave. i felt like a piece of $hit. i didnt know what happend to me i was confuzed and very scared to tell my mom. But i finally did when my momtold me to not let no one touch my private parts and to tell her everything. I then noticed that he did that to me and that that was a bad thing so i told my mom after a week.. atfirst she didnt beleive me but then she did. but she never took me to no phycologist or anything . i think she didnt want people to know what happend... now i am 14 and i am depressed and fat . i used food as a confort to help me not remember what had happend and after 8 years i still remember every detail but i thank god that i didn't lose my v!rg!n!ty. But now i am a failure in life . I want to forget it. i smack myself to see if i can forget it but i cant. And i am so fat i weight 250 pounds i am miserable and i want to change my life but i think about it and i dont want to be skinny and nice because i am afraid i would get r@ped . i am scared of boys i think they all want to r@pe me . My mom took me to a phycologist after all these years because i stoped going to school. She doesnt know why . she doesnt know that i feel this way . I am seeying a therapist and i am homeschooled i hardly ever go outside . the longest ive been indoors is a month and i also am an only child with a and my mom has no job and i have no father because he and my mom seperated when i was just a baby because he used violence on my mom . i feel abandoned and like no one cares. I use my fatness as a shield so boys wont be interested in me i am scared i dont want to be like this my whole life i want to be normal and grow up and marry and have normal relashionships and have children no one helps me i havent even told my therapist about all this. You guys here reading this are that only one that know.. I just wanted to get it out of me. And to warn you moms out there to please tell ur children right at a young age to not let no one touch them and to scream and to tell you everything. Now that i have talked it out. goodbye ~ Amanda ~
Reply from Keia, Age 15 - 05/30/04  - IP#: 65.41.188.xxx
Hi, if you need a confidant or friend-me here!! :) b1g_g1rls_d0nt_cry@yahoo.com		 
Reply from Lisa, Age 15 - 05/30/04  - IP#: 24.53.118.xxx
omg u poor thing i am really good when it comes down to wanting to talk to someone so if u have anything to say i would like to get to know you and u should e-mail me Irish_Cream33@hotmail.com I was in a position similar to that more than once Your Pal ~Lisa~		 
Reply from niki, Age 14 - 05/29/04  - IP#: 64.12.116.xxx
i read a book kind of like that, i forget the name but o well. the girls was unconciously eating and eating because she wanted to make herself fat and ugly so that no one would want her.		 
Reply from Michelle, Age 17 - 05/29/04  - IP#: 24.83.221.xxx
ok.dont listen to Tubfat..that's a horrible experience! but we're all here for you..and we all belive that you can do it! we're hear to support you and you can always tell us anything		 
Reply from Amanda - 05/29/04  - IP#: 4.237.8.xxx
Email me at oceananie@yahoo.com		 
Reply from MissyK, Age 18 - 05/28/04  - IP#: 24.84.212.xxx
Sweetie, I've had something similar (not as severe) happen to me as a kid. And it was my cousin, who was 30 at the time and i was 7 or 8. I knew it was wrong what he was doing, but I didn't tell anyone until later. But nobody believed me. I prefer to not talk about it to anyone now...I've wiped it out of my memory. But you're not alone. You should realize that there are FEW evil rapists out there. It's understandable to want to protect yourself, but being overweight is NOT the way to do it. It's unhealthy. Furthermore, you need to be more confident in yourself. I'm sure you're a beautiful person. Perhaps losing weight with us will bring you some confidence and you'll face your past with more courage. I know that the best thing that happened to me was losing weight because I felt more secure about myself and I didn't let ANYBODY give me crap. Of course, I still have some weight to lose, but it's made the difference in my life. I just also want to tell you that what happened in the past is in NO way your fault, so there's no need to feel like sh*t. Imagine how great it'd feel to lose weight, become confident! When he tries to talk to the new you (maybe he won't even recognize you) you can give him the BIGGEST glare and walk away. He'll be left behind thinking, "why did that beautiful girl just give me attitude?" I wish you the best of luck, and if you need to talk to anyone at all, email me at missy_kawaii@hotmail.com		 
Reply from Krissy, Age 14 - 05/28/04  - IP#: 205.188.116.xxx
I luv u!!!! OMG i cant believe that, and i am rlly sorry! I am 14 5'7 230 lbs.. can we lose weight together? e-mail me KrizazyKrissy247@aol.com
GOD BLESS YOU!!!!		 
Reply from Mikaila, Age 13 - 05/28/04  - IP#: 24.184.77.xxx
well..something similar happened to me..i am a lil overweight but i reli dont let it effect me that much but it still effects me..if you wanna talk to me im me on ai... EcK0 ShAdIi 0o9 ... i need some1 to talk to 2 :-(